People tend to ask “when did you know you were pregnant” and for me, it was when my period was an hour late. And I remember thinking, I don’t even need to take a pregnancy test because I just knew. I also knew, that pregnancy is something that happens naturally, and it does not need to be treated like an illness, so instead of panicking and calling the doctor, I went and picked up some pre-natal vitamins, stopped drinking my beloved caffeinated Sparkling Ice, and switched my sushi order up to not include any raw fish.
As the weeks went on, I didn’t want to jinx anything, so I spoke to no one of this, not even my best friend Maggie (which was hard because we call each other every day, so for months I had to keep my little blueberry a secret).
I was very lucky to have a very easy first trimester. I had no sickness, no nausea, but crazy mood swings that would have given the cast of Bad Girls Club a run for their money (so this is my public apology to my husband for going from laughing to crying to pissed off to wanting to cuddle in the blink of an eye).
So around 9 weeks, my husband and I went to the doctors, to hear the little heartbeat. There are no words to describe the feeling of seeing a little raspberry sized baby with a fluttering little heart for the first time. Cue the tears instantly. We made that, that little miracle, we made that. Hearing their heartbeat for the first time, was an experience that no video or movie could ever capture, and it made the baby seem even more real.
And when I hit that magical “week 12” when the baby was a size of a lime, I knew it was safe to start telling people. And the amount of support we have had thru this journey is amazing. When we told my parents and siblings, they about jumped thru the roof. We gave my youngest brother a onesie that said “Only the Best Brothers Get Promoted to Uncles” … and then there was silence, and my 18 year old brother had no idea what that meant. And when it clicked, everyone was so excited, and I have never felt closer to my family.
There was only one person I was nervous to tell, because I had been having bad dreams about telling them. Then one night, I was at their house and they asked me “so when are you guys going to have a baby”, and in what seemed like a one word mashed in to one (like Midwesterners do best) I said “I’mtwelveweekspregnant” and froze. My dreams made me so paranoid, but as soon as I told them they were ESTATIC, and a huge weight was lifted off of me. So everything else was a cakewalk from there.
The hardest part about the first trimester: let me reiterate, I had no morning sickness. But what I did have, was insane cravings for food. To the point, I would sit in my car and cry because I wanted Taco Bell so badly. And I’m not talking a burrito or a taco, that’s cute. What I was craving was a large Baja Blast, 2 Beefy 5 Layer Burritos, 1 Cheesy Fiesta Potato, 1 Crunchwrap Supreme, and 2 Fritos Burritos. Every day this is what I wanted. Everyday I had to drive by Taco Bell on my way home and stop the wheel from turning.
But that wheel still turned about once a week, and after I would finish off my order (which I would limit myself to 3 items plus a Baja Blast), I still was not satisfied. I have been hungry this whole pregnancy, and nothing has satisfied that hunger, and that is just cruel.
Things that have helped me in the first trimester: GET A MATERNITY PILLOW. Especially with my partner gone, sleeping alone was lonely (shocker I know), but as soon as I got that maternity U shaped pillow, I felt surrounded and supported, and crazy that a pillow can do that.
And on a serious note, my husband and I were so excited to find out we would be parents. We had no doubts that we would raise this baby and carry thru with the pregnancy. We knew that parenthood might be a struggle, wait scratch that, parenthood WILL be a struggle. Financially, mentally, and spiritually we will be tested. BUT we are so blessed to have an amazing support system, and resources, to raise this baby.
But all of the support I have had thru this pregnancy gives me a very real sympathy for other women who do not, and will not, have the same experience as me. Women who do not have a partner to walk this journey with them, or parents who are not jumping and supportive of the news, or even the financial or mental capacity to raise a baby. I cannot imagine sitting in the doctor’s office alone, listening to the baby’s heartbeat, and having any other emotion than joy and love.
I am very lucky to have had the easy first trimester I did, but that is not the case for every person. People have to deal with so many emotions and decisions, so remember that you have no idea what a person is going thru, and their decision is not your choice, the only choice you have is how you will treat them, and I hope you always choose kindness.
More to come on my food cravings and the second semester soon, but until then.
Be yourself; everybody else is taken,
Mama Miranda
